I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
