remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
