I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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