it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
