shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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