Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
