Screwed.edu
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Randomize
