Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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