I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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