i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
