thus making me awesome and them whores
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize