i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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