In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Someone signed my nipple.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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