Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize