Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
