Cold hands, warm shart.
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
