I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
