nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
