Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
