He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
