No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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