K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
