You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
