I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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