the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
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