happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
