i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
