If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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