my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
