you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
