Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
