Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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