I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
