Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I am midnight drunk by noon
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
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