Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
