The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
