I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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