laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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