Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
