I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
