there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
