I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
