direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
