She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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