WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
