My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
