I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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