i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize