just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
