you're like a bully in the Christmas story
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
