god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
