he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
