Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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