Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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