i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
