It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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