All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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