I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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