I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
