He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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