I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
