Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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