Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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