Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
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