I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
