Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Success! We fucked roommates!
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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