wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
