remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Randomize
