Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
