is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Randomize
