no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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