shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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