you guys were way drunker than both of me
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
