I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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