mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
