God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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