just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
