It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
