I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
