Umm I'm too high to move.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize