Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
