so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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