oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I understand Curling. That high.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
