So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
