Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
