How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize