I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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