I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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