bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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