The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
