I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
did i just pee glitter
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