I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
