I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
the liver wants what the liver wants
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
